how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize