yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You need Xanax blowdarts
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
