I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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