sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
