the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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