I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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