he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
