Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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