If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
