I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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