i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
