i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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