So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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