you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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