i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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