the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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