I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sorry my hands just texted you
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
