Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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