Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize