Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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