you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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