I look better un-naked...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
