This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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