It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
