Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
