apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
