lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
