Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
