why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
