i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
this is an emotional support booty call
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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