this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
