question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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