there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
