Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
