You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
