First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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