this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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