it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
