Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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