Where are you?
In a non slutty way
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
