And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We need to rekindle our bromance
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
