some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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