I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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