U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
