His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
