i already hear my dad disowning me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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