i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
