how do flat chested girls get laid?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
