I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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