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• (425): View more from Washington

  Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water

  (425): View more from Washington

  Legs for days

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  Harpoon that

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  I absolutely love you.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"

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• (718): View more from New York

  It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  How are you feeling today?

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.

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