hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
