He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
