Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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