So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
