Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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