I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
