i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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