its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
