I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
