you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
