get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
