you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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