the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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