I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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