lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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