ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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