I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
