im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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