I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
