I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
be right there i have to get my cape
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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