If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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