I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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