Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
